


Miss You

by iwannalovebucky



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Break Up, Denial, F/M, I am so fucking tired, I swear, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Love, Lovers, M/M, Missing You, Multi, Other, Soft Bucky, Song - Freeform, Song fic, Thinking about you, Unrequired Love, bucky x gender neutral reader - Freeform, driking, drunk Bucky, gender neutraöl reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 21:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14881833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwannalovebucky/pseuds/iwannalovebucky
Summary: Bucky doesn´t miss you after you´ve broken up. He just drinks for fun. And he only stays in his room because he likes it quiet. He totally doesn´t miss you.





	Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Miss You by Louis Tomlinson.

__

> _Is it my imagination?_
> 
> _Is it something that I´m taking?_
> 
> _All the smiles that I´m faking?_
> 
> _Everything is great, everything is fucking great_

Bucky was doing just fine. He really was. So, for him, there was no explanation to why it seemed impossibly hard to get out of bed in the morning or why he kept thinking about calming touches on his shoulders and chest or why he didn´t want to go home alone. There was no reason for him to feel this way. He was over you, obviuosly. Why else would he have ended the relatioship? So, that could not be  it. He was probably just stressed out.

> _Going out every weekend_
> 
> _Staring at the stars on the ceiling_
> 
> _Hollywood friends_
> 
> _Gotta see them_

´´Hey, we´re going out tonight. You coming with us?´´

This was about the fourth time in the past few days Clint asked him if he wanted to do something. And   it was not just him. Everybody seemed to suddenly have a weird obsession with Bucky participating in group activities. Especially Steve always wanted him to do something with other people. Bucky didn´t get it. He even asked him why he was did that, it was getting on his nerves. He wanted to be alone and dream of soft lips and gentle touches that never failed to calm him down when he woke up from a nightmare. Steve had told him that they were worried about him. That he didn´t look like he was doing well. Bucky didn´t get it, obviously. Nohing was wrong. He was doing fine without you.

> _Such a good time_
> 
> _I believe it this time_

He eventually went out with them. He was sick of constantly being taken pity on and being treated like he was made of glass. You never did that. You took care of him but you were also aware that he was an adult and treated him as such.

He didn´t get why he was always thinking about you. And why it hurt to do so.

A night out is probably not a bad idea, he decided and headed out with the team. His decision turned out to  be a good one: He had fun, the pain in his chest seemed to decrease the more he drank and the less the thought about you.

> _Tuesday night_
> 
> _Glazed over eyes_
> 
> _Just one more pint_
> 
> _Or five_
> 
> _Does it even matter anyway?_

Thor had brought his Asgardian liquor and Bucky wondered if getting drunk had always felt this good. To be honest, he couldn´t even remember the last time he was drunk. But now, right now, it felt fantastic. Wonderful, ecstatic, addictive. He wanted more of it, more of this warm feeling in his stomach that reminded him of something he used to feel a few weeks ago, but he couldn´t quiet remember why. It didn´t matter anyway. It was there, the feeling was back and he wanted it to never end, wanted to drink more and more until he eventually drowned in warmth inside of him.

> _We´re dancing on tables_
> 
> _And I´m off my face_
> 
> _With all of my people_
> 
> _And it couldn´t get better they say_
> 
> _We´re singing ´til last call_
> 
> _And it´s all out of tune_
> 
> _Should be laughing but there´s something wrong_

He loved finally being like this again. Having fun with his friends, not having Steve worry about him. He loves watching the others become moreand more careless, just like he himself. Everyone around him was having fun and he did too, but something was off. He couldn´t figure it out. He was out with his friends, they were having fun, telling him how good it is to have him out in the ´´real´´ world again, but there was something missing.

> _And  it hits me when the lights go on_
> 
> _Shit_
> 
> _Maybe I miss you._

It hit him like a punch into his guts. He missed you. terribly. Everyone was right. He just didn´t want to face the fact that he made the biggest mistake of his entire life. And now, jow of all times, he had to.

So, there he was now. In the middle of a laughing crowd, suddenly thinking about his ex, drunk, regretting every single decision he ever made. Like one of these guys in those romantic movies the people likeso much. But why not him? If they liked these movies so much, then why did you not like him? He knew, of course, that this was his fault. That he broke up with you. That he told you – and evryone else, including himself – that  _he_  didn´t like  _you_. But hell, did he  ~~like~~ love you.

> _Just like that and I´m sober_
> 
> _I´m asking myself_
> 
> _“Is it over?´´_

The warm feeling the liquor had left in his guts was now gone, the carelesness over, all oft he good things he felt were now gone. He wanted them back, wanted you back. He wondered if he should call you. That was, after all, the thing these drunk guys in the movies always did. He wanted to ask you if he messed up too much, if he broke your heart too much to love him, if you felt anything for him after all. But the voice in his head telling him that it would be useless, that it was obvious that you wouldn´t want him back kept replaying in his head.

> _Maybe I was lying when I told you_
> 
> _“Everything is great, everything is fucking great´´_

Realizing how stupid he was all he could think about was just that. Letting you go, how could he ever think that this would be a good idea? You were the best thing that happened to him, you kept him right, he knew that he didn´t deserve you all along. It had been cristal clear to him that he would break your heart some day and now he did. But not only did he hurt you, he also lost you. He lost you and now he was a fucking wreck. The attempt not to feel his heartbreak and to bury it deep down where he would not notice it failed of course, everyone could tell yet he kept doing it. That´s what he did, what he had always done but now he was crying in a dirty corner of some goddamn club on a night out that was supposed to make him feel the exact opposite of what he was feeling right now. He was not doing fine, he had not been doing fine since the last time he saw you, he now realised.

The feeling of guilt kept washing over and burying him again, making him want to scream and yell for you to please, please come back to him. The hidden ants oft he last few weeks, to hold you, to love you, to feel you, all came back now, all at once, and he did not know he was even capable of feeling so many emotions at once.

> _And all of these thoughts and feelings_
> 
> _Cheers tot hat if you don´t need them_

He was helpless, didn´t know what to do with himself. What was the point of feeling love for somebody when you can´t hold them, when _you_  push them away?  What´s the point of feeling when all you feel is guilt, knowing that you hurt the person you love? He didn´t want to feel this, didn´t want thing to  be this way. Everything he wanted was you to come to him, hold him, comfort him like you always did after a nightmare, wanted you to tell him that you still loved him, needed him the way he needed you.

> _I´ve been checking my phone all evening_
> 
> _Such a good time_
> 
> _I believe it this time_

Maybe you would call him. Maybe you felt the same way he did. Maybe tonight was the night. The night that you would break the silence and call him, text him, say anything. Maybe you did still love him after all.

> _Now I´m asking my friends how to say ``I´m sorry´´_
> 
> _They say ``Lad, give it time, there´s no need to worry´´_

You wouldn´t call him, of course. Why would you? He broke up with you, so there was no reason for you to come back to him, even if you did love him. He should call you. But what should he say?

``Steve.. Steve listen. I wanna call-´´

``Ooh, someone is  _drunk_  aaand wants to call their..  _ex_!´´

``Clint, Bucky wanted to ask _me_ something so maybe you could-´´

``Buck..y… Bucky. Buck. Listen here.. man. Don´t call her.. lad. It´ll be  _fiine_..  aand.. you´re drunk.´´

``Actually I think you´re the one who´s-´´

``Don´t  _you_  dare talk  to me like that,  _old man_!´´

``Clint, you really are-´´

``Oho, Cap wants to argue with me?´´

> _And we can´t even be on the phone now_
> 
> _And I can´t even be with you alone now_
> 
> _Oh, how shit changes_
> 
> _We were in love_
> 
> _Now we´re strangers_

In the end, he just called you. If he didn´t, he was sure he would have ripped his own guts out. He had to try.

He called you.

You didn´t answer.

You used to always answer when he called you, even when you didn´t have time to.

> _When I feel it coming up_
> 
> _I just throw it all away_
> 
> _Get another two shots ´cause it doesn´t even matter anyway_

He wanted to get rid of this feeling, get rid of you all over. You didn´t want him anymore, so what was the point of feeling all of this? He wasn´t supposed to need you, that´s why he broke up with you. He craved the warm feeling the liquor had previously given him. You used to tell him not to get so drunk that he would throw up onto your bed like he once did – you never stopped teasing him about that – but you weren´t there, so: Who cares? He could get as  _fucking_  drunk as he  _fucking_  wanted to.

Downing some more liquor he finally decided to just grab the entire bottle and run off. He didn´t want to be around those happy people, he didn´t want to think about you anymore, he didn´t want to feel like this anymore. He only wanted to get away from everything and anything. He headed fort he bar, searching for an empty seat.

> _Shit._

Suddenly you were there. In front of him.

> _Maybe I miss you._

Happily kissing someone else


End file.
